A lot of people may find different ways to channel their emptiness, rid their cynicism or find their passion. I found my roar through writing. Writing became something I did to express rather than impress and I still do. Growing up as a misfit I never really liked anything that the majority liked. Instead I fell deep into the writers spell.
I was not a person to be susceptible to emotion as my family unit broke in my early teenage years, without a father figure, my mother became both my parent. But dealing with her own battles of depression and mental health, there was only so much she could handle especially with 4 mouths to feed. With mum declined in health, my big sister had to pick up the pieces and be a hero for the rest of us.
Drowning in her studies and getting top marks inspired the rest of my siblings to stick to education, apart from myself. I was not phased by life or what it had to offer, it use to annoy me that I didn’t care, and broke away into an introvert. All I remember is once upon a time I wanted to be journalist. Days became months and I realised I was not the usual teenager spending ridiculous hours sleeping and crying for absolutely no reason. And so I planned a trip to my GP.
I was told concerning things about being underweight and changing eating habits, and later the same year that I had developed anxiety and Anaemia. Being told these things never really made a difference, but things got worse and I was told that if I don’t improve my appetite it may affect my fertility. Now that was a dagger to the heart and was my wake up call.
Being unemployed and bored out of my brains, I’d spend hours on my laptop reading articles and finding things out as simple as why the sky was blue. I wanted to do something with my life, I started noticing the smallest details, analysing people’s motions when communicating, the way people would light up when conversing. Simple little things made me write down details, falling in love with the world again.
I wrote a few pieces here and there mainly personal as a form of release, I then started writing for a great charity and thought why not? If my words could change society, or even one life, why not? I didn’t like the idea of putting my name to my articles as I wrote to survive dark thoughts. I don’t want recognition but to help with whatever I could contribute to life and to make any change. Being incognito or ‘batman’ is always my style when it comes to writing, it makes me feel uncompromised. It isn’t a talent, but a way of connecting with your true inner self and being able to see more than what is on the surface. There isn’t one way to see black, there is charcoal, ebony, midnight, pitch, metal and ink.
I frankly do not know what I’d be doing if I didn’t write.